im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize