when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
