i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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