You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
