Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
