the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
