i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
