There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
