During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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