I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
