Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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