tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He had one of those small greek statue penises
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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