Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
