Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
