The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
