the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
