I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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