I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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