I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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