My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
