well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
