she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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