On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
