At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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