Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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