history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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