3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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