what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
