my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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