he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
