And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
