if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
