you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
