also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
