I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
