it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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