Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
