I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
