real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
