dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
