there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
