thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
