I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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