Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
