I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
