i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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