dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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