i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
