It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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