I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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