We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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