I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
