So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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