i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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