My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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