I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
this hospital has no fireball
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
