If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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