Soap is not a condiment
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
