Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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