you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
