I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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