Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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