We won't sleep together?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
