im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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