Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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