sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
