Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize