I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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