babies were throwing up all over the place
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
