we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
