I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
