What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
