last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
