So drunk its hurt
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
