Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
