Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
