omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
