just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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