She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize