Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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